This week I am up in Kaitaia (right up at the top of the top of NZ), house-sitting a house of prayer which doesn’t really seem to be used much. It’s very nice, but not much going on.
And since I have virtually no responsibilities apart from being here, it means I’m free to potter around doing the odds and ends of the things that make up my life. And because I’m quite enjoying myself, I feel bad. It’s a phenomenon that I wasn’t warned about before joining YWAM; what I’m calling Volunteer Sickness.
The deal is something like this, I think: if someone employs you, and you enjoy it, then that’s great! It’s their money; it’s their decision – what can you do?! But if you are a volunteer and depend for your livelihood on handouts (which you can call living by faith if you want to sound spiritual), you seem to go in cycles of gratefulness and guilt: you can never work hard enough to justify the generosity of others, so you feel that unless you’re working every second you’re being irresponsible with their investment in you.
I have this ALL THE TIME – it’s such a weird thing, and since saying thank you just doesn’t seem to cut it, I don’t know what the way out is. Learning to be at peace with God’s perspective, I suppose …