The Shame of Unemployment

I have now been officially unemployed for 6 weeks, and it feels like a lot longer.  Not that I’ve been dossing about or watching daytime TV or anything, but for the first time in my life I’ve been discovering how it feels to be ashamed of your occupation, & the baggage thereof: being asked "What do you do?" and knowing what a slacker you sound like when you answer; applying for jobs that you don’t want; NOT applying for jobs, because it’s so disheartening to have been turned down.  etc.etc.

So, what have I been doing?  Well, apart from job-searching, applying for housing benefit, and attending to other practical money-related things, I’ve been writing (novels & stories mostly, hence The Pig of Happiness), working in a charity shop, networking within Edinburgh’s Christian sphere, helping out my blues guitarist friend Jeremiah, and spending time with Maria.

And bits & bobs of other stuff.

I’m also (starting this week) hopefully going to start doing some work with/for my church (I’ll find out what this might mean on Tuesday).  But it very much is a life of odd & ends at the moment, which makes it awkward to notice whether or not we’re making any progress.  I’m still looking out for all possible options, while becoming steadily more aware of what I would ‘do with my life’ if money & practicalities weren’t such obvious monkeys.

It’s so easy to let ‘them’ win, you know?  So easy to give up wanting what you want, cos The Man is so flipping good at pointing the obvious common sense holes in your hopes.  Very disheartening.  But then, the whole deal with the Kingdom of Heaven is that it’s not based on common sense – it can include it, but often it’s completely crazy, following God’s way.  And that’s the way I want to go, even if I don’t see it much just now.


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