This Sunday, Maria & I (along with Paddy, our curly-haired percussive stick-wielder) are responsible for the music at church. Fun fun fun. We'll be finishing the service with one of The Great Hymns: Crown Him with many Crowns; a song so worth singing that it contains twelve verses in all – six written by a Catholic, and a further six by a Protestant, seeking to alter its theological tone.
Whatever the reason, you end up with a LOT of crowns – fittingly, I suppose, since the song is based on a verse in Revelation which says “…and on His head were many crowns.”
Last night, having been practising, I started singing 'Crown Him the Lord of Teeth …' for no apparent reason, which started me off into thinking of other things that Jesus might legitimately be the Lord of (since, you know, He is Lord of all). And thus were born the following verses:
CROWN HIM WITH MANY MORE CROWNS
Crown Him the Lord of Teeth, behold His pearly whites!
His smile, unhindered by decay, outshines the Heavenly lights
So brush we as He brushed:
Three times a day, then floss;
To crown our crowns and molars all with Jesus' dental gloss
Crown Him the Lord of Tyres, the vulcanising flame
Whose tread protects us in the wet, and keeps us on The Way
Down lane, down street, down road
He bears us on toward
Eternal days of dwelling in the Goodyear of the Lord
Crown Him the Lord of Toes; of flesh, tendon and bone:
The big one went to market and the little one stayed at home!
He varnishes the nails,
And makes the smell be sweet
The bringer of the Gospel, lo! How beautiful the feet.
Crown Him the Lord of Sleep, the Monarch of the Nap
The doze, the kip, the dreaming sloth stretched out upon His back
With thunderous tone of snore
His lie-ins have no end
Somnambulant in majesty from His own King-sized bed
[with apologies for heresy and all injury caused]