Settling in

image

We’ve been in Fredericksburg for just over three weeks now, and our life here is very slowly beginning to take shape. David is doing most of the farm work at the moment, which is evenly split between “on the farm” labour and “off the farm” planning, sales and marketing. I have been meeting with the owner of a fitness studio downtown about potentially working with him as a trainer, as well as looking for other work. The rest of the time I am trying not to miss kiting too much… although I have gone twice since I’ve been here (SCORE!).

Because David was able to spend a few weeks here before I came, we basically had a little community of friends waiting for us when we arrived. Our neighborhood is very friendly, and this is the first place we’ve lived together where we actually know most of our neighbors (and see them regularly).  Downtown Fredericksburg, which is not huge but has enough to keep us entertained, is a 5 minute bike ride/15 minute walk from our front door. Our church is about a 10 minute walk from our house and already feels like we’ve been there forever (it probably helps that the leader lives around the corner from us!). We even seem to have started a tradition of Sunday afternoon hookah and hangout…

sundayhookah

That may or may not be our church leader to the right

Although home life is pretty good, there are still a lot of uncertainties. What are we actually doing here? What is the big picture? We know we mainly came here because of David’s opportunities to work with/for the Anglican church and Fresh Expressions. But we (I) also feel like we’ve given up a lot moving away from my family, the beach, and a good job. Have we just made a really stupid mistake in taking this risk and giving up our tiniest bit of security? On bad days I am full of fear and anxiety about it because I can’t see the way ahead and frankly don’t trust that God will show up. On better days I am reminded/challenged that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen. That living by faith implies not being able to see ahead, because if you could see, then you wouldn’t really need faith to believe in the first place.

Me on a good day

One of the better days

All of this is especially challenging because for the last 10 years or so, my faith life has looked a lot like the picture on the top of the page. Rocky. Deserted. I’ve struggled to believe that God is good and that he’s on my side. I’ve had my good days and bad days, sure, but for the most part there has been a huge silence/absence from him in all my/our major life decisions, which has been disorienting, confusing, and discouraging to say the least.

Do things feel different now? Maybe. While I’m not going to win any competitions for my amount of faith or produce any Gandalf-like fireworks with my prayers, it does feel like there’s a very, very slight breeze (pardon the wind metaphor) blowing the dust from this dry soul. And it does seem like there’s an very, very tiny, elusive hint of a Voice calling us on, encouraging us to keep going and keep hoping. That possibly what we hope for may yet come true.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Settling in

  1. Wow, exciting stuff Maria! But I can understand the fear in questioning the move and wondering what it will lead to. I love to know what’s ahead and be reassured that we’ve done the right thing…it’s tough to have faith and trust, but I’m sure when you look back in the coming years you’ll know what it was all for. And your honesty…I see much of myself in what you wrote! May this breeze bring refreshing rain and lush green grass in these coming weeks, months and years (for us both and all!) xx

    • Thank you so much Remaliah. I love reading your blog for your honesty and also hope. I’ve been equally challenged and encouraged by your journey. And how exciting about the imminent arrival of your baby boy! Can’t be long now?xx

      • Hi! I just thought I should check back here to see if you replied. Yes…10 more days!! Give or take. Eeek! I still don’t know if I quite believe it all…I’m sure there will come a point in the not-so-distant future that will force me to believe it 🙂 xx

  2. Hey! I read your post!! 🙂 So, that’s 4 “other people.” For some reason, you’ve always held a dear spot in my heart, Maria! – praying for much joy and peace for you both and the knowledge that Abba is indeed with you and for you… look up the YouTube “Cherry Blossoms,” by Andy Squyres… think you’d like it. 🙂

    • Well hi there Mrs. Smith-Smith! 🙂 Thank you so much for your words and prayers. It’s a funny thing to be vulnerable and open in front of people you kinda know or don’t know that well, but I felt like it was important to write this. It’s so good to have friends to share the journey. And that song… is really really good! Thank you! Perhaps with can grab coffee or drinks next time I’m home. 🙂 xx

  3. I like your blog sweetheart. You are a wonderfully descriptive and clear writer. It was interesting and enjoyable to read about the move from your perspective and your experiences thus far in Fredericksburg. Your candor about your faith is heartfelt and real.
    One time when I went through a particularly long wilderness journey, feeling apart from God and abandoned, I asked Him why? Why was I in this desert? What was the point of it? No refreshment, no sound, feeling isolated, dryness throughout my heart. Alone, alone, alone. After a considerable amount of time, I sensed a very clear answer which, oddly enough, brought a great measure of relief and understanding and even peace: “It’s the one place where I have your undivided attention.” I am not at all saying this is your situation with God. I am familiar with the place of which you are speaking. I am praying for you daily, my honey bunny. And I know SItty is also.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s