Girl 1 [dragging friend round Boots]: I just need something to make my lips go all fat.
Girl 2: A punch?
Old Lady: Oh look, there's the opticians!
Husband: Where?
Alan Bennett's got nothing on me.
Month: April 2011
Presiding Over Easter
We all live in the hustle and bustle of our work… And I admit that my plate has been full as well. (Laughter.) The inbox keeps on accumulating. (Laughter.)
But then comes Holy Week. The triumph of Palm Sunday. The humility of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet. His slow march up that hill, and the pain and the scorn and the shame of the cross.
And we’re reminded that in that moment, he took on the sins of the world – past, present and future – and he extended to us that unfathomable gift of grace and salvation through his death and resurrection.
In the words of the book Isaiah: ‘But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.’
This magnificent grace, this expansive grace, this ‘Amazing Grace’ calls me to reflect. And it calls me to pray. It calls me to ask God for forgiveness for the times that I’ve not shown grace to others, those times that I’ve fallen short. It calls me to praise God for the gift of the son — his Son and our Saviour.
President Obama, April 19, 2011
what people on Twitter have been giving up for Lent this year
[Click for a larger image]
As you can see, it's an interesting snapshot of (western) humanity. Apparently, more people are sacrificially giving up 'Religion' and 'Church' than they did last year, whilst 'Jesus', 'Christianity' and 'God' are not being fasted quite so much. There's probably an interesting point in there somewhere.
Anyway, here is the Top 100 list (inc numbers and ranking change from last year):
| 1. | 4297 | 0 | |
| 2. | 4060 | 0 | |
| 3. | Chocolate | 3185 | 0 |
| 4. | Swearing | 2527 | +1 |
| 5. | Alcohol | 2347 | -1 |
| 6. | Sex | 2093 | +3 |
| 7. | Soda | 1959 | -1 |
| 8. | Lent | 1493 | -1 |
| 9. | Meat | 1352 | -1 |
| 10. | Fast food | 1303 | 0 |
| 11. | Sweets | 1252 | 0 |
| 12. | Giving up things | 778 | +7 |
| 13. | School | 768 | +27 |
| 14. | Religion | 745 | +1 |
| 15. | Coffee | 707 | -3 |
| 16. | You | 675 | +6 |
| 17. | Social networking | 665 | +15 |
| 18. | Chips | 664 | +3 |
| 19. | Junk food | 594 | -1 |
| 20. | Bread | 571 | +6 |
| 21. | Smoking | 555 | -4 |
| 22. | Candy | 541 | -8 |
| 23. | Charlie Sheen | 511 | NEW |
| 24. | Work | 482 | +4 |
| 25. | Stuff | 467 | -2 |
| 26. | Catholicism | 436 | -10 |
| 27. | Food | 395 | +3 |
| 28. | Shopping | 363 | +1 |
| 29. | Marijuana | 358 | +31 |
| 30. | Beer | 346 | -10 |
| 31. | Fried food | 307 | -7 |
| 32. | Homework | 306 | +27 |
| 33. | Cheese | 297 | +4 |
| 34. | Cookies | 293 | +11 |
| 35. | Red meat | 285 | -10 |
| 36. | Masturbation | 285 | +8 |
| 37. | Virginity | 253 | +26 |
| 38. | Pancakes | 252 | +20 |
| 39. | Rice | 236 | -5 |
| 40. | Booze | 235 | +2 |
| 41. | Coke | 234 | -3 |
| 42. | Boys | 229 | +24 |
| 43. | Sugar | 229 | -16 |
| 44. | Sobriety | 226 | +10 |
| 45. | Procrastination | 226 | -10 |
| 46. | Nothing | 219 | +21 |
| 47. | Winning | 219 | NEW |
| 48. | Ice cream | 211 | -7 |
| 49. | Caffeine | 203 | -16 |
| 50. | McDonald’s | 195 | +27 |
| 51. | Church | 188 | +28 |
| 52. | Wine | 188 | -3 |
| 53. | TV | 184 | -7 |
| 54. | Starbucks | 183 | -15 |
| 55. | Texting | 182 | -12 |
| 56. | Liquor | 181 | -1 |
| 57. | Negativity | 180 | +26 |
| 58. | Carbs | 179 | +10 |
| 59. | Christianity | 177 | -12 |
| 60. | Justin Bieber | 176 | +9 |
| 61. | Pizza | 175 | -11 |
| 62. | French fries | 159 | +2 |
| 63. | Me | 157 | +9 |
| 64. | Losing | 155 | NEW |
| 65. | Men | 152 | -13 |
| 66. | Fizzy drinks | 151 | NEW |
| 67. | Porn | 147 | +4 |
| 68. | Lint | 147 | -11 |
| 69. | Trophies | 144 | NEW |
| 70. | Tumblr | 144 | NEW |
| 71. | Desserts | 142 | -15 |
| 72. | Chicken | 140 | +15 |
| 73. | Pork | 139 | -3 |
| 74. | Cake | 132 | +8 |
| 75. | Tea | 127 | +19 |
| 76. | Sarcasm | 127 | +14 |
| 77. | Diet Coke | 119 | -16 |
| 78. | Laziness | 118 | -13 |
| 79. | Sleep | 117 | -6 |
| 80. | Jesus | 115 | -4 |
| 81. | College | 111 | NEW |
| 82. | Internet | 110 | -46 |
| 83. | Complaining | 108 | -9 |
| 84. | Breathing | 103 | NEW |
| 85. | Takeout | 98 | NEW |
| 86. | Beef | 98 | -8 |
| 87. | People | 96 | +11 |
| 88. | New Year’s resolutions | 96 | +1 |
| 89. | Him | 94 | -5 |
| 90. | Tiger blood | 92 | NEW |
| 91. | Makeup | 91 | NEW |
| 92. | Juice | 90 | -7 |
| 93. | Clothes | 89 | NEW |
| 94. | My phone | 88 | NEW |
| 95. | God | 87 | -15 |
| 96. | Abstinence | 85 | -15 |
| 97. | Stress | 84 | NEW |
| 98. | Chipotle | 82 | NEW |
| 99. | Myspace | 81 | -48 |
| 100. | Eating out | 81 | -25 |
a stone in the road 