the great divide

In the (very fine) country of Britannia, there is nothing so indicative of wealth and/or class and/or status than TOILET PAPER.  In primary school (because it’s paid for by the government) we are subjected to a variety of grease-proof paper – not too pleasant – and as we ascend the social ladder we graduate from Sainsbury’s stuff to Andrex and so on, until we reach The Summit:  QUILTED.  A beautiful and wonderful thing, and totally worth the expense, in my estimation.

Egypt though: a whole different realm.  There is a reason why there has never (as far as I know) been a revolutionary uprising of the working man against everyone else, and a very simple one too – everyone has the same type of toilet paper. [it’s a kind of dimply one, by the way; a bit like kitchen roll.]  This is the Great Leveller – reconciliation across the Great Divide.

If only we could see that kind of class emancipation in my land; if only we could be united in our most private moments …  Then, what integrity we’d then have in our public moments!

biblical ways to get a wife

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours!  (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her.  (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.  (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.  (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.  (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God make one for you while you sleep. (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife. (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a … woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She’s the one for me."  (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill a guy and take HIS wife. (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow – it’s not just a good idea; it’s the law! (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example
in Ruth)
14. Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?  No thanks …  (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

oooooOOOOOOoooooooo … THEOLOGY!!!!!!!!

Neo orthodox 89% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 86% Emergent/Postmodern 71% Roman Catholic 64% Charismatic/Pentecostal 43% Classical Liberal 43% Fundamentalist 39% Reformed Evangelical 32% Modern Liberal 14% What’s your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Neo orthodox. You are neo-orthodox. You reject the human-centredness and scepticism of liberal theology, but neither do you go to the other extreme and make the Bible the central issue for faith. You believe that Christ is God’s most important revelation to humanity, and the Trinity is hugely important in your theology. The Bible is also important because it points us to the revelation of Christ. You are influenced by Karl Barth and P T Forsyth.

for the love of Daddies

[here follows a note, written in a square around a picture of a figure with glasses, labelled ‘DADDY’, who is surrounded by four big hearts.  all in pink.]

‘Nice, Singings good hansom, loving God, funny, likes to cover up, Good at making tapes, doesn’t want us to talk long on the telephone.’

[found on the floor of a conference centre somewhere in the desert between Cairo & Alexandria.  Kept cos it made my heart warm, knowing that Daddies exist everywhere …]

Before the Dawn

The power went off at about 4 this morning, and because I’m such a westerner and so desperately in need of my precious ceiling fan, I woke up straight away, amidst a puddle of sweat.  Lovely!  Or maybe it was the mosquito bites that woke me (quite disappointing after spending nearly an hour and a half hunting them all down before going to bed).

Either way, it meant that I got to go out on the roof and hum along with the early morning call to prayer.  I’m out in a small-village-in-the-desert kind of place, but there still seemed to be 5 mosques having a go at proving just how easy it is to be out of harmony, in order to get us up and praying.  It didn’t really work on me, I’m afraid.  Ah well …

I’m going to leave Egypt in a few days and spend a bit of a while in my lovely homeland, and I’m very happy at the prospect 🙂  Yes, VERY happy.  I quite like the fact that I popped over here without really knowing why, and that’s pretty much still the case.  Or maybe The Reason will appear this week.  Maybe.

I’m feeling fine, if sleep-deprived.  At peace.  Eating raw onion is good for your health, by the way.  As is Canon Andrew White.  And if you’re ever in an Egyptian swimming pool and all the men seem to be fighting, don’t worry, it’s ‘a traditional Egyptian game’ apparently 🙂

I am so HOT right now

  oh, the depth of expression in the English language …

now I am in Egypt

Well, after a whole day-and-a-half in my lovely homeland (although is has to be wondered how much London really counts …), here I am in another land, another continent, etcetc.  And it’s REALLY nice!

Maybe this is true and maybe it isn’t, but in a lot of ways I feel FAR more comfortable here than I was in the States – I love walking around at night (evenings are seriously GORGEOUS here), ignoring the taxi-vans beeping at me, and generally acting as if I’m not a tourist.  Which I’m not.

On thursday, I got to go to my SIXTH wedding in FOUR months (they’ve been in 4 different countries too), which was also my first time to go to an Orthodox church – a very good experience, by the way; I especially liked the old priest guy.

I don’t have many (/any) responsibilities here, so am free to be with friends, wander about, or do writing (I’m doing prep and/or planning for about 4 novels, 3 short short stories, and lots of ideas for childrens tv programmes – how much fun?!!!).  It’s a good lifestyle for me.

Speak soon …

Starry Starry

Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills. Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills in colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

Starry, starry night – flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in Vincent’s eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue. Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand

For they could not love you, but still, your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight on that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could’ve told you, Vincent
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you

Starry, Starry night. Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes that watch the world and can’t forget

Like the strangers that you’ve met – the ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose – lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they’re not listening still
Perhaps they never will