In a surprising development, the royal baby Prince George of Cambridge has been baptised into the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, symbolising and completing his conversion to Christianity from agnostic paganism.
“It’s true,” said the young prince, through an interpreter. “I’m all about Jesus now.”
Rumours have abounded among royal-watchers that George, the third in line for the throne of whatever-is-left-of-the-kingdom-by-that-time, has since his earliest days displayed an alarming proclivity to wild living.
“Frankly, he was a boob man,” admitted Mike Tindall, England rugby captain turned crooked-nosed royal. “And we’ve always been concerned that he’s tended to search for solace in a bottle.”
As is traditional, Prince George slept through most of the christening service, only waking up as the waters of absolution were dribbled onto his head by Justin Welby; the Archbishop of Canterbury having first dropped the baby three times, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
To the delight of onlookers, George cried loudly for the remainder of the day.
“Through these tears of repentance, he has really come to terms with the cost of forgiveness and the price paid in substitutionary atonement by Christ on the cross,” confirmed George’s uncle and new godfather, Prince Harry, wearing a ‘comedy’ Borat mankini. “But we remember that those who sow in tears will reap in joy.”